The Evolution of Regina Mills
by bemypretend
Summary: The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies


Inspired by this post bekksrich. / post/86968720158

When you are five, your horse gets spooked by a snake and bolts, leaving your father and your home far behind. You cling to the horse's long silky mane for dear life and breathe. The wind rushes in your ears and your stomach soars and you imagine that this is what flying feels like.

When you are seven, you have a dream of fire and hearts in boxes. You wake up screaming before you remember that the only ones who can hear you are your parents and Mother always gets angry when you wake her before the sun has risen. In the end, you spend the rest of the night staring at your blanket and wondering what it would be like to have someone hold you when you were afraid.

When you are nine, you find the cook's daughter kissing your governess in the kitchen. They don't notice you when you come in and so you try to be quiet in your attempts to make tea. It doesn't work out very well. They break apart with a speed you thought near impossible when you accidently knock a pan over in trying to reach the tea kettle. But the night ends rather well when the cook's daughter makes you some tea and Julie tucks you in. She makes you promise not to tell anyone in exchange for answering three questions of yours, for you have always been an inquisitive child. She tells you that she loves Amelia very much and that loving someone like she loves Amelia is a very special thing. You ask her what it feels like to love someone so much and if that means that she can't love you as well. She cries and hugs you like you would blow away if she let go. She kisses your forehead and tells you that it feels like flying high in the clouds. When she pulls back, you brush away her tears and she smiles at you. "Dear child, how could anyone not love someone as sweet as you? Goodnight, Regina-love." You dream of horses and red leather that night.

When you are ten, you fall down the stairs and bleed all over Mother's new rug. That is the first time she uses magic on you. You hate it.

When you are twelve, you watch Mother tear Amelia and Julie apart. She screams about freakishness as Julie cries over Amelia's cold body. When she leaves you rush to Julie's side and pray that if Julie kisses her enough that she will wake up. That night, Julie crawls into bed next to you and holds on to you like she is drowning. When you wake up screaming from a nightmare where your mother crushed your love's heart in front of you, Julie is there to calm you down and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

When you are fourteen, you meet Daniel. He gives you butterflies in your stomach and smiles at you when you show up in the mornings to ride Rocinante.

When you are fifteen, Daniel asks if he can kiss you. He tastes like peppermint and you smile. You kiss him again and he grins. You forget how to breathe.

When you are sixteen, you realize that Mother will never accept your relationship with Daniel because he is below your station. She rants about upward trajectories and balls and riches and power and you briefly wonder if she ever cared about you and your happiness.

When you are eighteen, you save a little girl from a spooked horse. But then the little girl breaks her promise and Daniel dies, leaving you a ring and crushed dreams. Mother never cared about your happiness.

When you are nineteen, you try to escape. The King forces himself upon you and you regret never making love with Daniel because maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad then. You make it to the edge of the King's lands and you can almost taste your freedom when your mother's magic washes over you. You hate magic.

When you are twenty, you love and hate the little girl. She loves you like you loved Julie and you love her for it but when you look into her eyes you see lost innocence and betrayal and you swear that someday she will understand. You use magic to send your mother away. You breathe a little easier now.

When you are twenty one, you take the throne. The girl is young still and you force yourself to stay your hand. Magic is your friend now, the only thing you can count on. You wait.

When you are twenty five, victory is yours. Snow White suffers under a sleeping curse and you finally make her understand. But then her "true love" wakes her from the curse and you are forced to begin again.

When you are twenty nine, you dream of a little boy with a cheeky grin and happiness.

When you are thirty, you enact a glorious curse. You can taste the freedom. No one can stop you this time.

In the sixteenth year of the curse, you realize that the curse alone is not enough. You endeavor to find the boy you dreamed of.

In the eighteenth year of the curse, you find the little boy. He cries and cries and cries and only stops when you sing to him. You wonder if you were ever like this, but then you remember, Mother always hated it when you cried.

In the twenty first year of the curse, the boy grins up at you and whispers, "I love you, Mommy." You can almost hear your heart breaking and healing at the same time.

In the twenty fifth year of the curse, the boy promises he will always love you. You feel like you are flying.

In the twenty eighth year of the curse, she wishes to not be alone on her birthday. The boy tells you he hates you and the woman in red leather appears. You like her, but you are not supposed to like her. Therefore you hate her. She is hard to hate sometimes.

In the twenty ninth year of the curse, you fight for control. She is infuriating and presumptuous and eats way too much greasy food. But she gives as good as she gets and you could get used to this.

In the first year after the curse is broken, she invites you to dinner and speaks to you like you are a human. You wonder if she was always this beautiful.

In the second year after the curse is broken, the woman in red leather is the only one who doesn't look at you like you are the cause of everything bad in the world. But Mother has a talent for knowing when you are weak and strikes. She stops believing you and you can't blame her. Mother was always very convincing. You don't know why she even bothered in the first place.

In the third year, you give her your memories of Henry and the happy life you always wanted. She says it doesn't sound like much of a happy ending. You aren't sure if there is such a thing.

In the fourth year, she returns with your Henry and maybe you can have more than one true love. Henry stops looking at you like you shot his puppy and she smiles when she sees you. You think that you could be happy with this but things always crop up and you fight for redemption because maybe forgiveness is what you need and since when did you have to deserve everything. (You try your best to deserve him anyways.)

In the fifth year, you dream of her and happiness and your little boy who isn't so little anymore. She doesn't share your dreams.

Happy endings were never your forte.


End file.
